Feeling to Healing

 

Feeling to Healing 

I can't believe it's taken me 30 years to recognise the concept of emotions as energy. When described in this way, feeling seems so simple; you just need to let the emotions [energy] move through your body, and then let them go.

I spent such a big proportion of my life suppressing emotions, believing that, if I didn't show them, or acknowledge them, they weren't really there so I could crack on and fool everyone (myself included) into believing I was healing exceptionally well and quickly. I created this persona for myself, as the 'strong' one, the 'resilient' one who is phased by nothing life can throw at her; this came with a self-inflicted pressure to keep it up! Not surprisingly, this eventually led to a great big meltdown where I hit rock bottom, feeling the numbness I'd been craving all along. 

Just last week a thing made me feel incredibly anxious for the whole week. I could feel it physically in my head, like a heavy cloud sitting on top of my brain, pinning me down into sadness. When I acknowledged it, and recognised it as an emotion which needed to shift, I allowed myself to feel. I allowed myself to cry and actually sought tears - through conscious connected breathwork, through meditation. I actively released the tears and shook my body and guess what? It didn't ~fix~ me, but it certainly lightened the load a little at a time and allowed clarity to slowly return. 

The concept of seeking sadness is a bit bizarre. But let me explain - I wasn't seeking sadness. I was already sad. I was seeking a release for the sadness - a way to allow the feeling to be processed within my psyche, felt in my heart, and then released and sent on its merry way. Feelings don't just disappear of their own accord (apparently). Unfortunately, they do need to be felt and processed which can suck, but such is the conveyor belt of one's mind. 

So here's to feeling the fear, joy, despair, anger, gratitude, overwhelm, sadness, delight, euphoria, grief.... and doing it anyway (but only when we feel like it)!

Sophie x