Twin Trail or Epic Fail?

Twin Trail or Epic Fail? 

(Spoiler: the answer is the twin trail)! 

The concept of the twin trail is new to me. It is the idea of venturing through our own healing journey whilst simultaneously helping people through theirs (akin to maintaining the washing machine by cleaning it regularly.....) 

It's funny how these concepts rear their head when you're just going about your life. In the last few weeks, I have had a really difficult conversation with someone who will henceforth be referred to as M. My relationship with M has been rocky for a long time. However, I hadn't actually realised until it was pointed out by a counsellor a few years back. Co-dependency, inner child wounds and consequential lack of self-worth. A tough realisation. 

Recently, some issues came to light and my truth was spoken. 

Going back a few years, the idea of speaking my truth would cause me to physically recoil. Anxiety, constant ruminating thoughts for weeks on end, self-doubt and regret. But guess what? Apparently there might be something in the whole *healing journey* thing. 

Don't get me wrong, as I listened to the voice notes in question, and composed my reply, the iron-cladded butterflies were heavy in my gut.

Having hit send, I anticipated all kinds of worry and feelings of regret and responsibility. But they didn't come. This is the moment I knew: the work is working! I can stand my ground and protect my boundaries and the world will, in fact, not implode.  

Cue the period of 'oh shit.'

There was a time period of about a week during which I was thinking... Did I go a bit too hard on my boundaries? I've depleted the number of 'connections' I have quite drastically in the last couple of years, and there are quite a lot of gaps remaining. There are physical gaps on my wall where pictures have been removed. Will I end up alone forever because I stood my ground? WHAT HAVE I DONEEEE? 

However - a period of reflection and introspection followed and I have since figured that the 'gaps' are actually SPACE. Space which is now free and open. Space which is only now accessible to strong, meaningful, genuine connections. Space which SERVES me. 

I know I have upset people with my boundaries, and yet, I have never felt more content in my mind, in my nervous system, my gut. 10 years ago, this would have destroyed me. Now? It's MADE me. And now my mission is to help others feel this power. 

Sophie x